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Dance Etiquette

Preface

This document was created to give dancers a better sense of common dance etiquette. It is our hope that it will serve as a useful list of suggestions from many veteran swing dancers. This document contains advice, not rules.

Encouraging Words for Beginners

Because there is a wide range of people in the swing scene, skills and experience levels vary greatly. However, everybody starts out as a beginner. If you are a new to dancing, notice that most of the better dancers have been working at it for quite some time. Try not to get discouraged. It may take a few months for you to feel completely comfortable swing dancing. Even then, nobody ever learns everything. In fact, the teachers spend as much time as anybody improving their dancing. Avoid dwelling on what you know or don't know. More importantly, please remember that lacking prior experience does not preclude anybody from enjoying the dance. This is supposed to fun, above all else.

Who to Dance With

It is beneficial to dance with people of all experience levels. In the context of enhancing your skills, dancing with more experienced dancers often helps you to improve. Similarly, dancing with less experienced dancers is a prime opportunity for you to work on your lead/follow skills. Ideally, you should be able to lead/follow with anyone. In the context of having fun, you can have fun dancing with anybody and everybody. In short, ask everybody you can to dance, there is no point in limiting yourself.

General Tips

• Try to follow the Golden Rule: treat others as you wish to be treated.
• Smile.
• Make eye contact, however do not stare down your partner. If this is difficult for you, one trick some people use is looking at their partner's shoulder or their earlobe. This confirms that you are paying attention, yet you are not staring.
• Focus on your partner. Your job is to make the person you are dancing with look good. For leads this means being conscientious of your partner's skill and adjusting your lead to the situation. For follows this means avoiding back-leading or other actions that make the lead feel "unimportant." For both leads and follows, if you stay aware and adaptive of your partner's feelings, you will be a popular dancer.
• Thank your partner after each dance.
• It is polite to clap for live performers when they finish a song and for DJs when they finish their set. If you are not dancing, it is also considered polite to clap after a lengthy solo, however this is not expected of active dancers.
• It is not necessary to apologize to your partner if a particular move is not executed perfectly. The point is not to have a perfect dance, but to have fun. However, if your mistake may have physically hurt your partner, please apologize and make sure they are okay.
• Swing dancing is a social dance, therefore talking while dancing is okay and not considered bad etiquette. Moreover, not talking while dancing is not considered bad etiquette either. Do what makes you feel comfortable.
• Don't be stinky! You will be dancing in close quarters with a lot of new people. You may want to chew gum or bring breath mints (Altoids are popular...and bring enough to share!). Some dancers avoid eating certain foods (garlic or onions, for example) on dance days. You may also wish to wear deodorant or cologne.
• Dancing is good exercise so be prepared to sweat! Many people bring extra shirts to change over the course of an evening. Other tips include bringing a towel or handkerchief to the dances or using baby powder.

Regarding Cliques and "Snobbery"

Sometimes a perception exists that good dancers only hang out with other good dancers. This is a by-product of the fact that many dancers have been dancing together for a long time and know each other better. For the most part, few people within the scene are intentionally reinforcing this perception. Feel free to break the ice if they don't.

Asking For a Dance

• Notice what the person is doing before you ask them to dance. Be wary of interrupting conversations.
• Ask politely, "Would you like to dance?" Avoid grabbing a partner and pulling them onto the dance floor.
• One dance at a time is the norm within our dance community (in contrast, there are other dance communities where two consecutive songs per partner is the norm). Should you want a consecutive dance with your partner, ask them first. Consider asking them if they want to dance at a later time.
• It is very acceptable for ladies to ask gentlemen to dance. Most gentlemen are flattered by the offer.
  When there is a group of leads or follows, asking one specific person to dance is less awkward than asking the entire group (i.e. "would one of you like to dance").
• How To Say "No"
• Ideally, we would all say "yes" to everyone that asked. In cases where you wish to decline a dance, be polite: smile and say "No, thank you." If there is a reason why you can't dance that song, give them a reason. While opinions differ, the authors of this document generally believe that it is not a good idea to just make up a reason not to dance. In other words, try to deal with people honestly and directly. If you would like to dance with the person some other time, offer to dance with them later and make a point to follow up.
• If you have no desire to dance with this person, simply say "No thank you," with a pleasant, sincere smile. Also, please keep in mind that some people consider it rude to refuse to dance with one person and then dance with another person during the same song. Along this line, there may be valid reasons why somebody will dance with somebody else after turning somebody down (i.e. the song tempo changed, the other person was too forceful, etc...). If this happens to you, realize that it may not necessarily be a personal rejection.

What to Do If They Say "No"

You can always ask again, but give him or her time and space and ask again later. It is usually a good idea to let several songs pass. Also, do not get discouraged if you are turned down. All dancers get turned down from time to time. There are other people who would very much like to dance with you.

Special Advice for Leads

• When starting a dance, especially with someone you don't know, take it slow. Everyone dances differently, so take your time and get to know the other person by starting off with less complex moves.
• Do your best to avoid leading moves that might hurt your partner. Do not push or pull your partner too hard. If she is not following something, try leading other moves. Make sure you pay attention to where your partner is and where she is going. The social dance floor is like the ocean and can be choppy and rough by no fault of your own - make sure she is safe on the sea.
• Blues dancing and other close dances have recently become popular. The Syndicate does not wish to discourage close dancing, however, as a lead, be aware of whether or not your partner wants to dance close. If she pulls away or appears uncomfortable, give her more space. Just because the blues dancing workshops teach a snug closed dance position does not mean that every follow wants to dance that way. Additionally, not every lady has taken a blues workshop. As a rule of thumb, when dancing blues style with a new partner, ask her she minds dancing close.
• Side-by-side Charleston can take up a lot of space. Be aware of other dancers. Don't forget to look behind you while Charlestoning or you might kick someone. If the floor is extremely crowded, be polite and switch to a smaller dance. (Added Dec 2005)
• Lindy hop can also take up space. When the floor gets crowded, dance smaller. Take smaller steps and tighten up your connection to minimize your chunk of floorspace. Consider sitting down every few songs so that other people can dance; talking to people is rewarding in its own right. (Added Dec 2005)
• Dips are acceptable, but only when you are confident that you can execute them without causing your partner discomfort, fear, or pain. Contrary to what you see on the dance floor, it is not a requirement that you close out every song with a dip. Only lead a dip if you feel that you can execute it successfully. This is true for even the most basic dips. If you are going to lead more complex dips, please ask her first. This is especially true if is somebody that you do not dance with regularly. Some follows do not like dips of any sort, either for personal preference reasons or for health reasons (back issues, etc...). If a follow resists at the start of a dip, take that as a sign that she does not like to be dipped.
• Aerials and drops (Trick Moves) are generally not acceptable on the social dance floor. In fact, many venues ban them outright. They are rarely done at Austin Swing Syndicate dances, with the only exceptions being controlled circumstances such as a jam circles or performances or among partners who have worked on aerials or drops prior. Remember that injuries can happen with even the most basic aerial/drop moves. For those who may unfamiliar with the terms, aerials are moves where the partner's feet leave the floor; drops are moves that cause your partner's head to be below your waist. If you are in the position to lead an aerial or drop, we strongly encourage you to ask for your partner's permission first.
• If you bump another couple, try to immediately look back and apologize. If another couple bumps you, apologize even if it is their fault. The experienced dancer knows that toes will be stepped on and people will bump into one another. Don't let the occasional accident get you down. If you happen to be dancing near an erratic lead, relocate to another part of the floor.
• There is a split opinion regarding the practice of walking your partner off the floor. Some people believe that it is a very respectful thing to do. Others feel that is unnecessary and too formal. A good compromise is to understand that the best course of action will vary from situation to situation.

Teaching On The Dance Floor

The following section is the most controversial portion of this document. Some people avoid the practice of "teaching on the dance floor" at all costs; others religiously seek out the chance to share their knowledge with new dancers. We would like to present a balanced view on the subject.

Asking for Instruction

Be careful about asking others for quick lessons on the dance floor. Many people are reluctant to criticize people that they are dancing with, since it could be taken negatively. Additionally, there are teachers who do not like to be asked to teach while they are social dancing. This is not true for all teachers, but it is true for a certain percentage of them.

Volunteering Instruction

An often followed rule is to only give advice if the other person explicitly asks for it. Sometimes unsolicited advice puts your partner on the defensive. However, if a lead is hurting you, please speak up. In contrast, if the lead is only leading steps ineffectively, without any real harm to you, be more cautious with your commentary. Remember, that leads have a lot to concentrate on when dancing.

Giving Feedback and Constructive Advice

Before commenting on your partner's dancing; it is a good idea to think about what you can do to improve your dancing. Obviously if someone is doing something dangerous to themselves or to others you should say something, but otherwise it may be more harmonious to withhold comment. Just because you can criticize, does not mean that you should. If you feel compelled to say something, attempt to phrase your comments politely so as not to make the other person uncomfortable. It is nice to offer a compliment prior to offering constructive criticism. It is usually a good idea to assume that half the problem is on your end (your lead skills/your follow skills) and remember that if you are offering advice, be prepare to receive it. One effective phrase used by dancers is, "I don't think the move worked out right, what do you think we can do to make it work better." Use statements that allow for honest feedback on both sides. Don't let the other person think it is entirely their fault.

Handling Unsolicited Advice on the Social Dance Floor

If your partner offers you advice, you can handle the situation in a variety of ways depending on the situation. First, you can accept the feedback and be open to instruction. By doing so you express that you want to hear their advice and wish to have a dialogue about what is and is not working in regard to the dance. If you do not desire advice or feedback at the time, you can politely say "thanks, but I don't feel like discussing technique right now, I just want to dance." If you don't want the advice, you can say very little and let it go. Whatever you do, avoid blaming each other, which may lead to an uncomfortable and antagonistic situation. Remember, in the social dance world, having fun is more important than being right.

Dealing With Difficult People

If somebody at a Syndicate event makes you feel uncomfortable, please speak with a Board member. If you don't know a Board member, tell the DJ and he or she will get you in touch with a Board member. We will be glad to deal with them in a respectful, non-confrontational manner.

Closing Thought

It is wise to be lighthearted enough to just enjoy the dance regardless of whether or not everyone is at their best etiquette.

This post has been edited by Joshua: Dec 22 2005, 9:39 AM

I like it. The only thing I'd add would be the slightly more severe consequences for what might happen if you don't have the common sense needed to not piss people off.

What good is a guideline that has no real consequenses for failure to comply with the rules? What's the motivation to read or do any of this stuff?

I've heard Austin has a board that will talk sternly to people who get out-of-line. Seriously, they send people in front of a committee. I wonder if we have funds to buy a pillory.

I danced in Austin once a few years ago. They got a pretty neat scene. I had no idea they had this going on though. Sounds like a neat little system.

Isin't that kinda like what Barb does to dancers that get out of line at the North Star?

-I love this Etiquette article, it’s very nicely written I especially enjoyed...
"However, if your mistake may have physically hurt your partner, please apologize and make sure they are okay. "

-"Don't be stinky! You will be dancing in close quarters with a lot of new people. You may want to chew gum or bring breath mints (Altoids are popular...and bring enough to share!). Some dancers avoid eating certain foods (garlic or onions, for example) on dance days. You may also wish to wear deodorant or cologne"

It’s so politely written, you may also wish to wear deodorant.. heee! I like it!
"Altoids" I once meet a lead that offered all the follows he danced with altoids before the dance, it was funny, once you got over the initial insult!

Altoids and gin smell like creme de menthe. Or so I'm told.

"Ideally, we would all say "yes" to everyone that asked. In cases where you wish to decline a dance, be polite: smile and say "No, thank you." If there is a reason why you can't dance that song, give them a reason."

I prefer if people do not provide a reason. Of course I never get turned down :-)

Also the part at the end about enjoying the dance is well spoken. Don't anybody get too serious, ok?

Hi all -

I'm the webmaster for Austin Swing Syndicate, and mad props need to go out to Nathan Malone (DJ Nate Dogg) for writing this document.

The short form is that it's hard to wrong by being polite, friendly, clean, understanding, and having a good sense of humor.

Nice site by the way! I'm seeing some ideas I might stea...I mean "adapt" for use on the Syndicate's site.

I like this a lot. This type of thing could help us all avoid embarrassment. I wonder if we shouldn't adopt this in some form and provide this to new dancers in some way. D

This website has all kinds of excellent resources for beginners and experienced dancers alike.

Rather than printing this out for your beginners, I'd recommend sending them here. In particular, point them at the Instruction box on the site's home page; this etiquette form as well as links to videos and other stuff is all there.

Cheers!
Joshua

As a new dancer who is trying to be a respectable and good follow this was helpful! Thank you so much. In fact, just last Friday I had a lead who didn't ask before dipping (I stated I was new at this right?) and I dropped right on my you-know-what! OUCH! Thanks for the tips!

Most of this is excellent! When I used to teach, I would always have at least one lecture on etiquette.

I would add to be careful with the perfume or cologne should you choose to wear it. Some people have allergies, athsma, or are pregnant and overly sensitive to smells. Don't overdo it.

Also, if someone is hurting you - I would say that is the one time where unsolicited advice is totally ok. If done politely, it can do wonders for you, the person you dance with and everyone else they dance with. I've done this while dancing on several occasions - and have had leads be totally grateful to know they were hurting me and know how to fix it. However, it did cause some nice fights with one particular regular partner I had... but that's a different story.

This has some really helpful information! I will be sure to refer friends, that are new to dance, here! Thanks!

~Kristin

Excellent! I'd add a couple of things:

Always ask the follow before dipping. It's best to ask early in the dance, otherwise the follow might think your next move is going to be a dip. I use the phrase "May I dip when the time comes?" I've made a habit of this, and many follows thank me for it. If you want to end the dance with a flourish, just lead her in a swingout, and put your hand up in the air (in other words, there are other cool ways to end a dance, other than dipping).

Leads and Follows: If your dancing with a less advanced person, act like you're enjoying yourself anyway. Nothing is more discouraging than dancing your best with someone who looks bored or annoyed. Always try to find something you can honestly compliment them for.

When dancing with someone who is very new to dancing, start a conversation, and lead very basic steps. That way they get their mind off of dancing perfectly, and have fun. I've lead some new dancers in just the rock step - and many have been grateful I didn't make it more complicated.

So do people actually believe that you're enjoying yourself just because you're acting like you are? Do I need to take acting lessons as well as dancing lessons?

Note, I dance with lots of beginning follows but I'm not good at pretending to enjoy dancing with follows who have no frame, no rhythm and don't know how to follow at all. I have a whole bunch of techniques for dancing with them so no one gets injured but I'm not going to lie and say it's fun. In fact that's one of the reasons I haven't been dancing much lately.

I may not enjoy their dancing style, but I still enjoy dancing with them. When a follow agrees to dance with me, she's complimenting me. I always enjoy that. I'll smile and encourage them. I may not dance with them again (I don't have the best back, and some follow's dancing style can hurt).

I'm not saying we should lie to them. I've said 'ow' rather loudly when a new follow jumped as far as she could out of a cuddle step - it actually dislocated my shouder. I still dance with her, though, I made sure she knew I held nothing against her. Also, if a new dancer is made to feel stupid, inadequate or not-up-to par, they won't come back. I'm not sure that helps the dancing community.

This post has been edited by JessIAm: Jul 19 2007, 1:57 PM